Bipolar

Q: What do you think of bipolar disorder?

A: It has its ups and downs.

Okay, it’s not really very funny… in fact, it’s not really even a joke. It’s just a question and a straightforward answer. But it’ll serve as well as anything else would as an introduction to this post.

I have bipolar disorder type 1. It can be great at times, and awful at others. At this particular moment, it’s pretty great; I’m on my tenth page of blog content in about six hours of on-and-off writing. That, I believe, is because I am currently in a hypomanic mood. Here are a few of the characteristics of hypomania:

-Mild euphoria
-Insomnia/less need for sleep
-High energy/hyperactivity
-Slightly grandiose thoughts
-Racing thoughts
-Increased or decreased sex drive

It has more characteristics than that, but those are the ones that come to mind immediately. Right now, I’m experiencing thoughts which come slightly more quickly than normal, grandiose thoughts, euphoria, and hyperactivity.

Now, bipolar disorder is called a “disorder” for a reason. But boy, it sure can increase productivity when it wants to. I feel great, and I’m getting shit done. The thing is, I often have a LOT of trouble getting shit done. I also often have trouble feeling great. For these reasons, I have deliberately induced this state of hypomania by drinking some coffee.

The trick, in the case of hypomania, is to make sure that I don’t slip into a full-blown manic episode, or crash into a depressive episode. I have a few ways of going about this:

-Make sure that I sleep at least six hours every night
-Make sure that I eat at least three small meals every day
-Take my medications
-Stop drinking coffee, or taking other stimulants

On most occasions, these “extreme mood control techniques”, as I like to call them, work pretty well. (Okay, I lied. I don’t like to call them that. In fact, this is the first time I’ve ever called them that. So sue me.)

However, on the occasions that they do not work, I am entirely likely to slip into mania or depression. If you have no experience with these states of mind, I suggest you keep it that way. You probably do, however; most people, as far as I know, experience depression at some point in their lives. Mania is a bit more rare.

Here are a few of the characteristics of my past manic episodes:

-Extreme insomnia
-Distorted thoughts or delusions
-Hallucinations
-Extremely grandiose thoughts, including delusions of grandeur
-Extreme euphoria or dysphoria
-Irritability

Now, this is a pretty potent combination of symptoms. Think about it: I could have delusions, and believe that someone did something wrong. I could be irritable, and get mad at them about it. I could believe that I am some sort of authority figure, and that I have the ability or permission to punish people. I could actually hurt someone.

I have come surprisingly close to hurting someone in the past. I ended up getting put on 5150 (a 72 hour hold for observation) when my father called the police in the middle of the night because I wouldn’t stop screaming at him, and because I thought I needed to “protect my” (then 12 year old) brother. I stayed hospitalized for eight days, and came out with several prescriptions, and a lot of rules about what I could and could not do.

I’ll go into more detail about that episode at a later time, because I really was insane to a fascinating degree. The point is, mania is bad, m’kay?

Depression, on the other hand, is just as bad. It is characterized by:

-Dysphoria
-Bleak outlook on life
-Fatigue/ncreased need for sleep
-Suicidal thoughts
-Distorted thoughts
-Increased or decreased appetite

Like all of my lists, this one is incomplete; not everyone who is depressed experiences these symptoms, and many people with depression experience unlisted symptoms. This is merely what happens to me when I get depressed.

In this case, it’s pretty easy to see where the danger lies. I could easily commit suicide in a bad depression. I’ll leave it at that, and move on.


There are many different perspectives on bipolar disorder out there. For more information, and an extensive personal experience with the disease, I recommend the book “An Unquiet Mind” by Kay Jameson, Ph.D. It is an excellent read, and she is an extremely intelligent (and slightly crazy) woman.